CHAPTER 1

Who in the hell do you think you are, Laura?

Doesn’t everyone have a different idea or opinion of who we are?  We are judged by family, friends, acquaintances, and strangers differently, aren’t we? Even those who know us best have their own ideas of who we really are on the inside. We are critiqued by what is seen on the outside mostly.  Our responses, reactions, expressions, and body language dictate how we are viewed by others; not by what we actually feel. We are the only ones who really know who we are physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Some of us have known all our lives. Some have learned, along the way, who our true selves are by keeping what is beneficial, or simply good for us, and discarding what is not. Some of us have had the opportunity to choose who we want to become to lead happy, fulfilled lives. Some of us have chosen to stunt our growth by staying in the familiar ways of living because it’s comfortable and cozy.

I have felt misunderstood most of my life. I was told by a co-worker that emotion is my worst enemy. I suppose this statement is true in the workplace. Perhaps this is the primary reason I never wanted to be in a supervisory position. I was never very good at playing poker either! Some may call my being misread as a lack of effective communication. Some attribute this to wearing my heart on my sleeve. In any case, I believe my emotions are indicative of my true self. I spent most of my life stuffing them down and being fearful of them. I was taught emotions were typically a negative attribute; especially for women in my family. Men are logical. Women are emotional, negating any thought or opinion as being rational.  Surely, a feeling based on matters of the heart is “just a woman thing”. Even if that statement were true, I’ll take emotions and real feelings over having none at all. I spent too many years running from them. It turns out it really doesn’t matter. Everything I feel is written all over my face anyway.

What others think of me is none of my business. Not everyone is going to love me, or even like me. Do I still care a little?  Of course. I am still a work in progress. 

(My Prosthetic Life, by Laura Kendall, Board Member-at-Large of USA Thalidomide Survivors, is available on Amazon. Click here to buy!)